So, you’ve landed the big gig. You’re stepping into a well-oiled machine with a group of people who have been working together for years, sharing jokes, lunch orders, and possibly even a little disdain for whoever you’re replacing. Congratulations! Now comes the fun part… NOT trying too hard to “fit in.”
Walking into a new company as a senior or C-level person is like being the new kid in a high school cafeteria. Everyone already has their table, and you have to figure out where to sit without looking like a total outsider. And the key to surviving—no, thriving—is to tread lightly, listen a lot, and resist the urge to make your presence known in the first ten seconds.
The first rule of joining any established team is simple don’t be weird. I know that is pretty funny coming from me when my theme song isO.D.D. by“Hey Violet”but that is not the point here now is not the time to come in loud and high fiving everyone. Now is the time to play it cool.
It’s tempting to make a grand entrance with big ideas and big words, but trust me, nobody cares how many acronyms you know or how many leadership books you’ve read. What they care about is whether you’re going to ruin the vibe.
Start by watching how they interact. Are they a meme-and-GIF kind of crew? Maybe their Slack channels are littered with inside jokes about Bob in IT never meeting a deadline. Or perhaps they’re the kind who schedule 47-minute meetings to discuss 15-minute topics. Pay attention to these things. They’re cultural tells.
Also, notice how they handle conflict. Is it passive-aggressive emails? Do they hash things out in meetings? Or do they just let things fester until the annual retreat, where someone inevitably cries over a team-building exercise? These are clues to understanding how they operate, and your job is to adapt—quietly.
Speak Their Language (But Don’t Overdo It) If you’re walking into a team of tech-savvy millennials and Gen Zers who communicate exclusively in memes, learn the art of subtle participation. Don’t blast in with a “memes and gifs” on day one. That’s cringe-worthy at best and will get you labeled as “that out-of-touch boss” before the (virtual) coffee in the breakroom has even cooled. Instead, take a few weeks to observe. See what kind of humor lands, what references they use, and what their unspoken rules are.
Then, ease into it. Drop a well-timed GIF in response to a joke, or share a relevant meme in the group chat afteryou’ve spent enough time with them to know they won’t secretly roll their eyes at you. The goal is to be relatable, not forcefully hip. Wait, did I just say hip? I meant to say- “Sigma” (I think).
Know When to Stay Out of the Way! Look, they don’t know you yet. To them, you’re just the “new person” and chances are if you are like me, you won’t be there long once everything is fixed and running as planned. But YOU are the person who in their mind, potentially ruin everything they’ve built.
If you try to interject yourself too early, they might perceive you as a threat. The best way to earn their trust is to stay out of their way—at least at first.
This isn’t the time to suggest sweeping changes or question why they do things the way they do. You might think you’re offering brilliant insights, but to them, you’re an outsider questioning their way of life. Think of it like walking into someone’s kitchen and telling them they’re seasoning their food wrong. Sure, you might be technically correct, but you’re still getting the stink eye.
As a senior-level leader, your instincts might scream at you to start fixing things. Resist that urge. Nobody likes the new person who comes in swinging their metaphorical hammer before they even know where the nails are. Trust is currency, and you don’t have any yet. Earn it before you spend it.
Start by building relationships one-on-one. Get to know the team, not in a forced “mandatory fun” kind of way, but through casual conversations. Ask about their projects, challenges, and successes. Find out what makes them tick. People want to feel valued and heard, and if you can give them that, they’ll start to see you as a partner rather than a disruptor.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is trying too hard to fit in. People can smell desperation a mile away, and it’s not a good look. Be yourself, but dial it down a notch. Nobody expects you to become their best friend overnight.
Think of it like dating. You wouldn’t propose on the first date (and if you would, you might want to rethink your strategy). Take it slow. Let the relationships evolve naturally.
If you’ve got a good sense of humor, use it sparingly. A well-timed joke can break the ice, but a poorly-timed one can make things awkward. And whatever you do, don’t try to out-funny the office comedian. There’s always one person who thinks they’re the funniest, and challenging them to a humor duel is a rookie mistake.
Instead, use humor to show that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Self-deprecating jokes can go a long way in humanizing you. Just don’t overdo it, or you’ll come across as insecure.
Respect the Dynamics! Company culture isn’t built overnight, and you’re not going to integrate yourself into it overnight either. It’s a process, and the best thing you can do is respect the dynamics that already exist. Eventually, you’ll find your place, and when you do, you can start making changes—carefully.
Until then, remember this: nobody likes the new person who comes in guns blazing. Take the time to understand the team, the culture, and the dynamics. Listen more than you speak, and adapt without losing yourself in the process. Be genuine and let them know when they do a good job and show appreciation. Give those (virtual) high-fives and shout outs when they are earned. Just be authentic about it.
Oh, and if you’re ever in doubt, just send an angry cat meme. Those things are universal.